In high school I stumbled into a relationship with Dan, at least that’s the way it seemed to me. He was a jock, popular, funny, outgoing. Everyone said he looked like Usher. That’s all I knew of him and his adorable dimples. He was older and closer to manhood than any of the boys I knew, so sure of himself and his place in the world. The carnival came in August. Terry and I had been friends since I moved to town in sixth grade. She was always talking me into things like this; we were always on an adventure. I met Dan at the carnival the Summer before tenth. He was with Dave, but they were always together. The boys invited us to ditch the carnival to come with them to a friend’s party.
Pretend I’m your boyfriend, he said. It will keep guys from bothering you.
How chivalrous. He took my hand and we were off. Not long after that night I gave Dan my virginity. My first real boyfriend was a popular wrestler who was endlessly witty and very sweet to me. We broke up a few months later. He kept asking me to suck his dick. Too anxious to perform, I kept saying no. I couldn’t handle the pressure. I had never done it and I wanted to impress him. The more he asked, the more I said no. I was heartbroken, but I had made my choice as well.
I met Shawn the year prior to meeting Dan. We had study hall and sat next to each other (alphabetical order in the lunch room.) Study hall should not have been that intimidating but Shawn was something else. He was chatty and smiled easily. Months later when we became friends. He would come over, we’d drive around, stargaze, just talk. We didn’t hang out as much when he was dating Dana. But after they split, and Dan and I were together, we still made time.
He said, I don’t understand why you’re dating a guy like Dan.
What do you mean? Because he’s a jock; because you play football too? I laughed a little.
No, he grew more serious. I don’t get what you see in him.
I was surprised by his consideration. It sounded like he had tried to find a reason and became frustrated when he couldn’t figure it out.
I just didn’t think he was your type.
Well he’s hot and funny. And he likes me, I declared. What’s not to like?
I don’t think he’s that funny. And he’s not even nice!
Well he’s nice to me.
I just don’t see why anyone is friends with that guy. He’s not a good guy.
This is the first time Shawn’s been upset like this. I’d never seen him angry, but the more he spoke, the more upset he became. I didn’t understand. They ran in the same circle. They were friends or, so I thought.
When Dan broke it off with me, Shawn was very supportive. He came over and we spent more time together. My little sister had the biggest crush on Shawn and loved when he visited. She gushed over him every time.
You should date Shawn. He’s so dreamy.
She’s right. He was so dreamy. Those big, blue eyes were magical. If he would have asked, I would have…
One night Shawn came over and invited me to Marc’s house. Marc, another popular jock was the head of their crew. They were partying. It was nothing big, just some of the guys hanging out. A couple might bring their girlfriends. Who knows? It could be fun.
Are you sure it’s a good idea?
Why wouldn’t it be?
Is Dan going to be there? I don’t want to run into him.
No, I don’t think he will show. But even if he did, it will be fine.
Won’t it be awkward?
Why would it?
Because Dan just dumped me. Do you really think it’s a good idea I’m seen tagging along with you?
Ahh, no one will care. I promise. You’re with me and I’ll protect you.
And what if they say you’re after Dan’s sloppy seconds?
Then I’ll tell them it’s not like that, because it’s not.
Was he really sacrificing his high school image to be friends with me? Social suicide?! I had nothing to lose. These weren’t my friends and I’d probably never go to Marc’s house again. Curiosity won and off we went.
Marc lived in an upper middle-class development. His house was disappointingly empty when we arrived. There was a couple of guys hanging out, Marc’s younger brother Matt was playing N64. Marc wasn’t even home yet. It was anticlimactic.
Do you want to take a walk?
Sure. We took off into the dark, this part of the neighborhood was foreign and like a maze. Don’t get us lost!
I won’t. I know where we are.
I believe him, and I trusted him. We walked and talked. At one point we cut between some houses. It was pitch black and the trees were so tall. Lights from the closest windows were off in the distance. The night was quiet and cool. The moon was bright. He pulled me to a stop. Looking up the stars freckling the sky. It was so beautiful we stood in silence just soaking the night in.
Let’s stop here for a little bit. I’m not in a rush to get back.
Me either, I thought. Lying in the grass, faces to the sky we considered a lot of different things that night. After some time, the cool grass sent a chill through me and I began to shiver.
Are you cold? He laughed, we can go soon.
I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay with him just like this until I couldn’t stand it any longer.
Can I kiss you first, before we go?
I look up at him. The moon illuminated his face. Those big blue eyes sparkled. I shook my head. He moved in slow, hands on my cheeks. His mouth was warm and soft, his tongue sweet. O! how I wanted this for so long. His hands moved across my stomach, shifting my shirt, exposing my breasts.
He moved closer pressing his chest to mine. His body was strong and firm. His movement was deliberate and deft. I wanted him to want me and arched my back towards him. He kissed my neck as he moved his legs to straddle me. He sat up, looking down on me. His touch made my body ache, I wanted more. Shawn thrusted against my chest. I could feel his prick through his jeans.
Push your tits together. He inched his way closer. He was crawling his legs up my chest, eventually his thighs were over my arms.
Shawn began undoing his pants. What was happening?
He pushed his boxers down, pulled out his cock. It was already hard.
My eyes widened. What was he going to do with that? He thrusts hard between my breasts.
You don’t want to suck it?
I’m winced back, no.
Just suck it a little. You won’t know if you like unless you do it.
I was trapped. He legs held my arms as he sat on my chest. He pressed his dick against my lips.
C’mon! Suck it and we will leave. That’s the only way.
He had me, we both knew it. He pressed his prick to my lips. I didn’t want it like this. I wanted him, but not like this. He pressed harder and I shook my head. He rubbed the head of his cock against my mouth until the wetness parted my lips.
See! You’ve already tasted it, now you can just put it in your mouth. It’s no big deal.
I turned my head away, his precum smeared across my cheek. I turned back, Shawn pushed his cock into my mouth.
Shh… he started digging into my mouth. It’s already in. It’s OK, just take it.
I couldn’t stop it, my mouth relaxed.
There you go….
I was in shock and couldn’t believe this was happening. It wasn’t long before he came in my mouth. I could feel him pulsing with each pump.
Immediately after he stood, See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?
I rolled over and spit his semen into the grass.
He laughed, don’t like the taste, huh?
I stood with him and wiped my mouth on my sleeve.
In silence we finished walking through that yard. Further up the street is Marc’s and I could see Shawn’s car in the drive. We were never far away, never lost. When we got back, more people had arrived, but we didn’t stay long. Shawn took me home. I didn’t hear from Shawn after that night.
I think about that night and often catch myself wondering about him. A few years after high school I ran into Marc’s bother Matt at a bar and asked about Shawn. He mentioned something about marriage, but I daydreamed about running into him again.
What would have happened if he hadn’t forced me and I was able to be with him when I was ready.
That didn’t happen. My first time was forced.
Given the chance, I’d still fuck him.