When Adrian Lost His Virginity / Stumble and Run

Bored. Julie wasn’t home,

so I walk to Justin’s. 

That’s hill always sucked the breath from my lungs long before I ever made it to the top. 

No knock,

no one answers the door anyway. 

All the lights are on,

No one was downstairs. 

His bedroom was lit,

TV going. 

Turn the corner:


Justin’s working,

but will be home in a few hours. 

I could hang out. 

Sat down on the futon. 

Drinks and video games. 

Curfew approaching. 

Pager starts buzzing,

it’s home. 

Later I’ll apologize and say

I fell asleep. 

Except I do start nodding off. 

Adrian has never been good company,

thick-skilled Neanderthal full of parlor tricks

which are mildly entertaining 

but only the first time. 

I’d rather have my drunken darkness

until Justin,

or anybody else,

shows up. 

Home is buzzing again. 

This time I decide to do a little nod,

relax and stretch out

on Justin’s bed. 

Really relax as the heavy warmth descends. 

And off I drift…

Adrian is saying something,

but is soon tuned out;

I’m in my own world. 

Peace doesn’t last long

before I feel him elbowing my legs. 


I know I’m not taking up THAT much space. 

Back to drifting. 

He’s saying something,

but I’m going away. 

There’s a familiar feeling. 


Trying to wake me up?


He’s unbuttoning my pants. 

I hear him say something 

about getting comfortable,

but I’m already in the dark. 

The weight of liquor covers me

and I slide into the comfort;

except the weight of Adrian. 

My panties are down and he’s already on top of me. 

I can’t move,

my arms are full of cement. 

He has words, or maybe it’s just mumbled panting. 

He’s so heavy,

my breath is already difficult to catch. 

He exhales into my lungs, trying to push his tongue into my mouth. 

All I can do is turn away. 

He touches my vagina, parts my lips. 

This cannot be happening. 

Adrian presses down,

starts forcing his prick into my vagina. 

no, I manage a whisper. 

I’ve got to get it out. 

I have got to get out of here. 

When is Justin coming home?

Why isn’t he here already?


Adrian is fucking me. 

Adrian is fucking raping me. 

please, I manage to whisper. 


Gathering my strength I start pushing him away. 

He pressed down. 

This is not happening. 

Justin won’t save me. 

please make this stop. 

with all of my waning might,

I push and slip away. 

falling to the floor, I scramble. 

pull my panties up,

struggle on my jeans,


stumble and run the three blocks home. 

Apologize for being late. 

I’m sorry. 

I fell asleep at Justin’s. 

and came home as soon as I woke up. 

I’m sorry, I say. 

Walk up the stairs,

pass out in my own bed. 

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Posted by on August 4, 2017 in Explicit Content, Poetry


Tags: , , , ,

Maybe Someday

I’m not gonna call you. 

I’m not gonna chase a dead end. 

If you want to see me,

You’ll find your way to my bed. 

You won’t hear me begging

Saying please, babe come stay

I’m here with these memories

And maybe I’ll see you someday. 

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Posted by on July 6, 2017 in Diary, Poetry


Tags: ,

Just Tell Me

Tell me to stop.
Tell me enough already,
that you want me to stop.
Tell me you don’t want my words or my heart.
Tell me that it can never happen
because of the distance or terrible timing
or because of her.
Tell me you could never love me like I deserve.
Tell me you’re not ready.
Tell me to stop being kind,
to stop being so caring and considerate.
Tell me you haven’t missed me the way I’ve missed you.
Tell me I’m making this difficult for you.
Tell me you care about me but can’t do anything about it.

Tell me you love me but can’t.

© Dearest Red 2015

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Posted by on February 4, 2015 in Uncategorized


To Live by the Sea

to live by the sea
she sees me
crashing waves most of the time
fits of fury
throws herself at my mercy
cower in dunes of sand
she, at the tips of my hand
devours torment paying penance
for celestial sin
painted across her skin
embracing the ache of my wake
currents caressing her curve
slow to a creep
leaving her alongshore in repose

© Dearest Red 2015

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Posted by on January 28, 2015 in Uncategorized


Fortune Teller


I get it. I feel it. Still learning and looking for my path, but carry on. I will know my way when we find each other. Until then, keep taking it in. Expand. And write for gods’ sake, write.

© Dearest Red 2014

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Posted by on November 30, 2014 in Uncategorized


Love? Yea right

What can you tell me about love?
Hm..she giggles, I can tell you I love trouble

© Dearest Red 2014

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Posted by on November 25, 2014 in Uncategorized


I’m just rambling…

I’m trying to be better.
I’m trying to find my way through a world that’s scary and confusing and overwhelming all the time.
My mind races with this never ending list of priorities and demands; hands held out to receive…everybody wants something.
Give me, Sara!
I need this.
I need you to do this.
Can you..
Will you..
When will you get around to..
All these unanswered calls, messages awaiting response
I can’t keep up
How can I find my way when the world wants so much of me?
I cannot find my path..
I cannot find me.

© Dearest Red 2014

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Posted by on November 24, 2014 in Uncategorized